Week 2 Story: Inside the mind of Kushinada-hime
"Eight times is enough! There must be something we can do!" lamented Kushinada-hime.
"I'm sorry daughter, but this is our fate. You will fall prey to this serpent beast just as your sisters before you."
"Wait... who is that..?", through the forest trees Kushinada-hime noticed a big man walking curiously towards them. He appeared to be some type of warrior, although not the usual kind.
"Well hello there! I have never seen people out here before..." announced Susanoo happily.
"I am Ashinadzuchi, and this is my wife Tenadzuchi, and my beautiful daughter Kushinada-hime. We fear this will be our last moments together."
"This forest seems rather peaceful, what is the reason for your fear?" questions Susanoo.
"There is a dastardly serpent that resides here. He has eight heads, eight forked tails, blood red eyes, and is as big as a few of these mountains. He is camouflaged with different types of trees so he can blend in with the forest.. we are always surprised by his arrival." states Ashinadzuchi.
Kushinada-hime notices that this man is unaffected by this description and begins to feel a sense of relief.
"I can take care of this problem for you. I am the God of seas and storms, brother of our beloved sun Goddess, Amaterasu. I only ask in return that you let me protect your daughter for the rest of her life."
"He want's to marry me? I don't even know him!" she thinks to herself. Before she could get a word in, her father agreed to the arrangement. The next moment she is magically transformed into a hair comb and Susanoo wears her proudly.
Even as a hair comb, she maintains all her senses. She observes curiously as Susanoo constructs a trap for the serpent. "Hmm, Sake. Smart move.. the serpent will fall quickly if he drinks all this!" she thinks excitedly.
As the morning sun they spoke under fades to nothingness, even Kushinada-hime herself thinks she would have given up on this plan. "We have been on high alert for so many hours, maybe the serpent has outwitted our plan." she worries.
"I'm sorry daughter, but this is our fate. You will fall prey to this serpent beast just as your sisters before you."
"Wait... who is that..?", through the forest trees Kushinada-hime noticed a big man walking curiously towards them. He appeared to be some type of warrior, although not the usual kind.
"Well hello there! I have never seen people out here before..." announced Susanoo happily.
"I am Ashinadzuchi, and this is my wife Tenadzuchi, and my beautiful daughter Kushinada-hime. We fear this will be our last moments together."
"This forest seems rather peaceful, what is the reason for your fear?" questions Susanoo.
"There is a dastardly serpent that resides here. He has eight heads, eight forked tails, blood red eyes, and is as big as a few of these mountains. He is camouflaged with different types of trees so he can blend in with the forest.. we are always surprised by his arrival." states Ashinadzuchi.
Kushinada-hime notices that this man is unaffected by this description and begins to feel a sense of relief.
"I can take care of this problem for you. I am the God of seas and storms, brother of our beloved sun Goddess, Amaterasu. I only ask in return that you let me protect your daughter for the rest of her life."
"He want's to marry me? I don't even know him!" she thinks to herself. Before she could get a word in, her father agreed to the arrangement. The next moment she is magically transformed into a hair comb and Susanoo wears her proudly.
Even as a hair comb, she maintains all her senses. She observes curiously as Susanoo constructs a trap for the serpent. "Hmm, Sake. Smart move.. the serpent will fall quickly if he drinks all this!" she thinks excitedly.
As the morning sun they spoke under fades to nothingness, even Kushinada-hime herself thinks she would have given up on this plan. "We have been on high alert for so many hours, maybe the serpent has outwitted our plan." she worries.
The early moon begins to rise and she wonders how Susanoo can remain so diligent, purposeful, and alert, yet this is something she comes to admire greatly.
Suddenly, the Eight-Forked Serpent trudged toward the bowl of Sake. All eight heads dove into the bowl and drank as quickly as they could. Once finished, these heads were consumed with laughter and the serpent danced around without a care in the world. Soon there after, the mighty beast came crashing down to the earth, and when it hit the ground, it lay in a deep, deep sleep.
"Now!" thought Kushinada-hime as she nervously awaited the attack. Susanoo walked calmly to the sleeping beast, removed his noteworthy sword, and began to slay the serpent's heads, one by one. With each swing of the sword came pieces of serpent followed by great waves of dark red blood. Upon his last strike, he discovered a remarkable sword, the great Kushanagi, hidden deep within one of the tails.
"I shall deliver this to the God of Heaven. She will be pleased with my honorable efforts!" declared Susanoo.
Just as Kushinada-hime began to panic about her new life as his comb, she was transformed back into a beautiful princess, with that same sense of enchantment from before. Susanoo said nothing, but gave an endearing look that made her feel as if she would be safe with him. They were married in the province of Izumo without fear of the Eight-Forked serpent that rained terror for so many years.
"If only my sisters were here to see this.."
Suddenly, the Eight-Forked Serpent trudged toward the bowl of Sake. All eight heads dove into the bowl and drank as quickly as they could. Once finished, these heads were consumed with laughter and the serpent danced around without a care in the world. Soon there after, the mighty beast came crashing down to the earth, and when it hit the ground, it lay in a deep, deep sleep.
"Now!" thought Kushinada-hime as she nervously awaited the attack. Susanoo walked calmly to the sleeping beast, removed his noteworthy sword, and began to slay the serpent's heads, one by one. With each swing of the sword came pieces of serpent followed by great waves of dark red blood. Upon his last strike, he discovered a remarkable sword, the great Kushanagi, hidden deep within one of the tails.
"I shall deliver this to the God of Heaven. She will be pleased with my honorable efforts!" declared Susanoo.
Just as Kushinada-hime began to panic about her new life as his comb, she was transformed back into a beautiful princess, with that same sense of enchantment from before. Susanoo said nothing, but gave an endearing look that made her feel as if she would be safe with him. They were married in the province of Izumo without fear of the Eight-Forked serpent that rained terror for so many years.
"If only my sisters were here to see this.."
*Authors Note: I kept the main plot and flow of the original story. However, I added the perspective of Kushinada-hime. In the original story, I wanted to know more about how she was felling as she was a silent character. I think adding her perspective changes the story in a fun way. It gives it a more modern feel, but also gives deeper insight into the character traits of Susanoo.
Bibliography: Heavenly Beings: Susanoo and Orochi, from Romance of Old Japan, Part I: Mythology and Legend by E. W. Champney and F. Champney.
Bibliography: Heavenly Beings: Susanoo and Orochi, from Romance of Old Japan, Part I: Mythology and Legend by E. W. Champney and F. Champney.
Hi AshLynn!
ReplyDeleteI agree with your author's note; I really liked how you retold this story in first-person point of view from the perspective of Kushinada-hime. I thought the dialogue and Kushinada-hime's inner thoughts were really fun to read, and reading her thoughts about the proposed marriage and then seeing her immediately get transformed into a hair comb was humorous (although in real life, Kushinada-hime should really have the right to choose her own partner!).
I was curious to know how much time passed when you wrote that Kushinada-hime was beginning to give up hope. Was it a few hours or a few days? Did they sleep or did Susanoo stay up to keep watch? Was tension high the whole time?
Finally, I see that some of the text on this page is dark grey on color while the rest is white. Since the background of your blog screen is black, the dark grey text is almost impossible to read. You might consider changing the text color or the background color to make the story more readable.
Robert, Thanks for your comments! Your feedback was super helpful and I went back and edited some of those areas of my story.
DeleteAlso, thank you for catching that formatting error, I don't always check to see how the actual post looks on my blog, which is something I will do now!
Hi AshLynn!
ReplyDeleteRetelling stories from a first-person perspective has become one of my favorite things! I struggle to use dialogue and make my story as long as yours. So I find that really impressive. It is so neat to be able to read others stories and learn how to write in different ways. Thanks for writing this, I was very engaged with the story throughout.
Hey AshLynn!
ReplyDeleteI loved reading your story blog! Your retelling was awesome, and so is the source material. I really enjoyed how you wrote your story from the first person perspective, it made your story a lot more enjoyable to read. The dialogue was super awesome to read, and I wish that there was a Part Two to read.
I look forward to reading more of your blogs in the future, great overall story retelling.
Best wishes,
Mikayla
Hi AshLynn! This was a great story! When I first read the original story, I had wondered what Kushinada-hime had been thinking the whole time. That version definitely glossed over her experience. That being said, I really was drawn in by your story taking on her perspective (even when she was turned into a hair comb) and her experience of Susanoo's plot. Her little comments about his strategic choices made this kind of archaic story a little more lively for me.
ReplyDeleteI do wonder what the monster's reasons for being so ravenous were, though. You'd think he'd realize that eating the same people in the same area for all these years would eventually take out his food population. I wonder what was going on in his mind through all of this.
I liked the call back to Kushinada-hime's sisters at the end, the ones who had already been devoured by the serpent, but what if there had been more backstory on that aspect, or some more outright reference to the sisters earlier in the story? The parents say "eight times is enough!" meaning that the eight times they'd lost a child before were enough, but it might've added some depth to the story if there was more of a reference to Kushinada-hime's feelings about her lost sisters. Again, great story, I really enjoyed reading it! I appreciated the tender moment between Susanoo and Kushinada-hime at the end, it made their relationship seem more real. Wonderful job!
Hi AshLynn!
ReplyDeleteGreat story! I think choosing to retell this story from the perspective of Kushinada-hime was a great decision. Using her observations (even when she is a comb) to help solidify the prowess and patience of Susanoo helped to build a bit more of a likable character than what we are given to work with in the original story. Your closing line does make me wonder what depth, if any, her sisters received in the story. Are there versions that elaborate on these other girls? Are they ever given names? If not, maybe that could be a story waiting to be written. Great work!
Hey AshLynn!
ReplyDeleteI also read this story, and I think it's one of my favorites so far. That being said, I really did not think about Kushinida-hime's point of view during all of this. Being turned into a hair comb must be quite the experience! That last line did make me kind of sad, as her sisters may not have had to suffer such a terrible fate if Susanoo had come earlier.